Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
