I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
