After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
