do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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