Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
