so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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