Someone shit on the floor
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
