According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
