i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
