I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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