Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
