just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
