and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
