I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
