i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize