I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
