just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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