Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
