Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
