dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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