I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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