You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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