He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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