I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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