This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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