our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
