She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
