I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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