i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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