so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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