He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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