Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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