I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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