Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
