I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
