Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
