True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
