NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
