My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
