I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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