i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
