I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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