WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
