I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
