hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
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He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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