I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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