jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
