So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize