I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
only you would photoshop your dick
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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