Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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