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My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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