I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
