I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
