Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize