i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
