I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
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