I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
