dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
