Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
