This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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