the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
