and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
