nut hugger
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
