first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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