woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
