When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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